Deficient
by phoenixdown7
Summary: SasuNaruSasu one-shot, High School AU. The founders of the Sasuke fanclub are bored. This is the story of what they do when they find a new obsession. Welcome to the newly minted SasuNaru fanclub of Konoha High.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Deficient

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de·fi·cient (d-fshnt)

_adj._

**1. **Lacking an essential quality or element: deficient in common sense.

**2. **Inadequate in amount or degree; insufficient: a deficient education.

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"What does that mean, bastard?!" Naruto leaned over so that he was almost out of his seat, his face scowling inches away from Sasuke's. Sakura could tell the class's dead last student was truly insulted, because his cheeks were a bit flushed and his hands were grabbing the edge of Sasuke's desk so hard his knuckles turned white.

Sakura vaguely shared a look with Ino. When would Naruto learn? Like, really _learn_? His vocabulary was still atrocious, and they were in the 12th grade.

"Would you prefer I use it in another sentence?" Sasuke smirked, his voice as cool as ever. He would have looked completely irritated to the untrained eye, but Sakura, the unofficial leader of Sasuke's fanclub since middle school, could see that there was a spark in his eye that suggested he secretly enjoyed pushing Naruto's buttons. Naruto was still boiling with speechless rage, so Sasuke continued calmly. "Deficient: your brain is clearly deficient."

The look of profound confusion only stayed on Naruto's face long enough for him to realize it was most likely not a compliment.

"Why you…!" Naruto rushed at Sasuke, his fists headed for Sasuke's face, but as usual Sasuke was ready and he adjusted slightly to the left to miss the impact. Naruto couldn't stop his momentum, however, and ended up crashing bodily into Sasuke and his desk, knocking them over and falling on top of the mess.

"Naruto!" Sakura yelled at him, showing her fist to the teen as both boys groaned in pain on the floor at the foot of Shikamaru's desk. _Honestly, that idiot!_ "Stop attacking Sasuke-kun! You're lucky Kakashi-sensei is always late!"

"But…Sakura-chan!" Naruto actually whined at her as if he was still the 12 year old kid she'd met back in middle school. It had become a habit of his around her ever since, and she didn't know whether it made her want to punch him or laugh at him. She bit her lip against the latter.

Shikamaru actually raised his head from where he was resting it on his desk and sent a mildly irritated look at the teens at his feet.

As this was a somewhat normal occurrence between Konoha High's top rivals, the rest of the class went back to chatting amongst themselves and ignoring the scene.

Naruto sent her a shaky look from his uncomfortable position, the palm of his hand digging into Sasuke's chest as he tried to get up. Sakura cracked her knuckles and Naruto immediately scrambled to his feet with a pout on his lips.

"Are you alright, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked sweetly. Sasuke barely acknowledged her concern as he stood up within the wreckage of his toppled desk with all the grace in the world and brushed off his black school-uniform pants.

"Answer her, jerk," Naruto muttered, a deep frown on his face as he looked between her and him.

Sasuke actually cocked an eyebrow and rolled his eyes, but he still turned and nodded in her direction. Sakura smiled, but her heart really wasn't in it. She sat back down with a sigh as both boys sat back down at their respective desks in front of her.

"So bastard…" Sakura barely heard Naruto mumble as he cocked his head toward Sasuke. "What does defi…defisy…defecate mean?"

Sasuke actually stared at Naruto, but the edges of his mouth were tellingly twitching upward, much against his will. "It's deficient, dobe. _Deficient_. And all you need to know is that there's probably a photo of you next to it in the dictionary."

Sakura sighed as Naruto let out a low growl and she spied Ino watching her from the corner of her eye. She turned her head and raised her eyebrow in question.

"Do you think they've got a _thing_ for each other?"

Sakura's eyes widened at her friend, who was now just glancing between her and the two boys in front of them. "What?"

"You know," Ino continued. "Do you think Sasuke and Naruto are _doing_ it?"

Sakura tried to ignore Ino's crude hand gestures. "What are you talking about? Sasuke's…"

She was about to continue with the word _straight_, but somehow that word felt wrong in conjunction with Sasuke's name and her speech faltered.

Ino nudged her and winked deviously.

Sakura frowned and stared at Sasuke critically, actually trying to fight past the twelve year old in her mind who still pleaded for Sasuke's love and adoration. To be clear, Sasuke had never dated her nor any other girl that she knew the entire time she had known him, and that had been since pre-school. Also, he had always been notably well-dressed and hygienic for a boy, but…gay?

Sakura resurfaced from her deep, vexing thoughts to witness Sasuke inspecting his nails, and not in a guy way with the palm up and fingers curled, but in the girl way with his fingers spread out in front of him. Sakura's eyebrows rose dramatically.

_No…_

Her eyes switched over to Naruto who was chewing on his pencil and then doodling crude pictures of big-breasted women in his notebook.

She looked over at Ino and pointed at Naruto's handiwork. "Sorry, Ino. Your theory doesn't hold up. Naruto clearly isn't gay."

Ino only shrugged. "He could be bi or…" she paused for a bit, her eyes suddenly lighting up, "Sasu-gay!"

"Oh, that's witty," Sakura deadpanned, only the unerring control of her faculties keeping her from dropping her forehead on her desk in dismay. "But Sasuke-kun…with Naruto? That's just…"

"Hot?" Ino supplied.

"No, actually it's…" Sakura was about to say any number of words that meant disgusting, but Ino placed two fingers against her lips and silenced her.

"Think about it, Sakura," Ino whispered and placed one arm around Sakura's shoulders, gesturing out toward Sasuke and Naruto before them as if they were part of some beautiful, expansive vista. "They're both rivals, locked in a never ending battle for dominance since the tender age of twelve. One is the class idiot, the other the class genius. One the colors of a warm summer day, the other the colors of a cold winter night…"

Sakura's right eye twitched in annoyance.

"…one like fire, the other like ice!"

"You've been reading too much fanfic," Sakura interrupted, already feeling a bit queasy from the metaphors.

Ino's smile flickered into a frown only for a little bit. "I'm serious, Sakura! Who's the only person in this entire school who can get an emotional rise out of the Uchiha? Who's the only one who can get under his skin? And their fights used to be vicious back when we were in 6th grade, but now neither of them seem like they mean it anymore. Plus, they're both practically obsessed with each other. Neither of them can leave the other alone!"

Sakura frowned, but her resolve seemed to be crumbling. She watched Naruto grin at Sasuke about something or other to which Sasuke shook his head and smirked, the closest he ever got to a smile.

"Just think what their sex would be like with that kind of chemistry!" Ino whispered into her ear.

Sakura blushed as a whole new vista of opportunity spread out before her, and her new obsession was born.

The Sasuke fanclub was about to get a make-over.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

"Welcome to the first meeting of the Sasuke/Naruto…or SasuNaru… fanclub!" Ino announced as she stood proudly at the front of the classroom, flanked by Sakura. The room was mostly packed and she was a bit surprised that half of the participants were boys, but she rolled with it. One person in the back coughed awkwardly. "A club for fans of our dear classmates, Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke, having raunchy unadulterated sex…preferably together. Any questions?"

A boy in front with horn-rimmed glasses raised his hand and she pointed at him.

"Erm…so, this isn't the chess club?"

"No," Ino replied. "That's room 1A. This is 2A."

Suddenly there was a loud groan of chairs pushing back against the linoleum floor and half the audience got up and left the room, sending her odd looks as they did so. Ino only sent them a good-natured wink. Coincidentally, all of the boys and some girls retreated from the premises.

The girls who were left consisted of some leftovers from both the Sasuke's and Naruto's fanclubs respectively. Obviously, the Sasuke fanclub was bigger, but there were still a fair number of girls in Naruto's, especially after he had defeated that Yakuza boss who had been terrorizing the school last year. Hinata had led that group from the very beginning.

"Well, now we can get started," Ino stated matter-of-factly, flicking her long pony-tail behind her back in that same carefree manner she knew made Shikamaru swoon when he was awake. "The mission of this fanclub is to support the pairing of Sasuke and Naruto and to see to it that they either admit their current lust for each other or realize their feelings for each other - and, if we can, to get photographic or video evidence of them in compromising positions."

Hinata raised her hand timidly and Ino nodded at her.

"So…there's no more Sasuke fanclub?"

"Not for the foreseeable future," Ino replied happily. "The Sasuke fanclub has officially merged into the SasuNaru fanclub."

"Oh…" Hinata replied, she looked a bit sad, which only made her look cute. "Is Naruto really…gay?"

Ino shared a look with Sakura. Both of them had sort of been over Sasuke for years, even though they had been rabid fangirls of Sasuke since they were in pre-school, but Hinata still seemed to be in love with Naruto so this was probably harder for her.

"He's probably bi," Sakura answered soothingly.

"Or Sasu-gay!" Ino supplied, but Sakura slapped her lightly on the back of the head and they glared at each other.

"Sasu-gay?" Hinata wibbled, her lips pouting so cutely it hurt.

"Yeah, gay for Sasuke," Ino clarified. "We have evidence that this is probably the case."

"What evidence?"

"Well, the evidence isn't…um…_hard _yet." Ino's smile actually turned into a leer with she realized the unintended double-entendre of her words.

"What Ino-pig is trying to say," Sakura continued as her friend started to drool. "Is that it's a likely scenario, but we don't exactly have proof yet."

"Our first mission is to catch them in the act," Ino stated. "Preferably with some sort of photographic device."

The other girls in the room seemed to giggle at this as Ino pointed to her huge, industrial camera with accompanying flash bulb which sat innocently on the desk in front of her.

She pulled down a projection screen in front of the white board and remotely turned on the ceiling projector.

"All we've got so far is this picture taken from a baseball game last year," Ino stated, pressing a button on the remote control in her hand and projecting a picture of Naruto and Sasuke in a fairly compromising position on the baseball diamond. Naruto had fallen on top of Sasuke when he had tried running to second base where Sasuke was stationed on defense. He'd tackled Sasuke when he realized his rival was about to take him out of the game by capturing the ball. Their bodies were perfectly pressed together as they stared at each other with flushed cheeks (most likely from rage, but it was a start!).

Most girls in the room giggled uncontrollably.

"Our mission is to find more material like this," Ino pronounced with a wry grin.

"Are you okay with this, Hinata?" Sakura asked, trying to console the shy, yet devastatingly adorable girl. After all, she remembered how hard it was to get over her crush. "Will you merge the Naruto fanclub with our fanclub, or will you stay independent?"

"Um…" Hinata replied delicately and wiped a nervous hand through her black locks. "I'll…I'll consult the other members of the Naruto fanclub and get back to you."

"Alright," Ino nodded and looked out across the room where about twenty girls sat. "Raise your hands if you want to join the SasuNaru fanclub."

All hands went up, except for Hinata's.

Ino smiled winningly, flashing a victory sign and striking what she may have thought was a sexy pose. "Our boys aren't gonna know what hit them!"

Sakura found herself wondering, as her eye began twitching uncontrollably, if this wasn't one of Ino's big pipe dreams like that last club turned out to be. She wasn't really looking forward to Sasuke transforming his general tolerance of her into outright dislike.

She sighed. It was sad, but she had gotten used to him ignoring her – maybe she even enjoyed it a little bit.

She slapped her hand to her face as Ino pulled out a yaoi paddle with SasuNaru emblazoned across it and waved it around as the other girls cheered.

She was such a masochist.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

"Hey asshole!" Naruto shot out his familiar morning greeting and lightly punched said asshole's arm as he passed by the other's locker, which happened to be just beside his.

Sasuke only nodded as he placed some books carefully into his locker from his bag. He frowned at Naruto as he rifled through his locker haphazardly, pulling out a rotten banana that seemed to have been there since the beginning of the school year, and it was March now.

"Ew gross!" Naruto made a face as he threw the barely intact banana flesh over his shoulder behind him into the hall. Sasuke absently watched a freshman kid slip on it and cry out in pain.

"You should clean out your locker, moron," Sasuke stated as he turned back to his own pristine cubby hole. "It smells like someone defecated in it."

"My locker isn't deficient!" Naruto actually looked scandalized, but the expression was ruined a bit by an old sock falling out of his locker and onto the floor.

Sasuke, yet again, tried to keep his mouth in its usual flat-lined position. "I said defecate, idiot. Not deficient. As in, your locker smells like shit."

"Oh yeah?" Naruto retorted lamely, glaring for all he was worth. "Well, your locker smells like antiseptic!"

"Who taught you such a big word, dobe?" Sasuke mocked.

"My grandma's a doctor at Konoha hospital," Naruto replied with a half glare. "She smells like the stuff every time she comes home. So, I _know_. Your locker smells like sick people."

Sasuke just rolled his eyes, sprayed the inside of his locker with Lysol disinfectant, and closed the door with a nice click. The bell rang. "You should get to class soon. You're gonna be late."

"What about Yo – ooooooooooooooooou?!"

Suddenly Naruto was sent forward by some unknown force and his body slammed into Sasuke's which slammed back against the lockers with a loud bang. Sasuke gasped at the impact, but soon realized that something was covering his mouth and it was moving. Bright flashes blinded him for a bit, before he and Naruto, apparently, realized that they were lip locked and both simultaneously broke apart and spat out the remnants of each other's saliva.

"Ack! What was that about bastard?!" Naruto whined breathlessly.

"You're the one who bumped into me," Sasuke gasped, finally straightening up as he wiped his mouth.

"Someone pushed me!" Naruto retorted, looking up and down the nearly deserted hallway as if the culprit would jump out at any moment.

Sasuke squinted and barely made out the end of a blond ponytail whipping around the corner. His eyes narrowed and he absently licked his lips.

It tasted like miso ramen.

He looked away only to notice Naruto was gazing at his lips. His eyes found Naruto's and the boy's cheeks turned a noticeably pink hue. Sasuke tried to tell himself that his own cheeks felt hot because he was getting sick.

Very sick.

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"Behold, my sisters!" Ino clicked the remote and a new picture showed up on the projector screen.

All the girls in the room gaped, including Sakura. There on the screen was the most awkward kiss between two people Sakura had ever seen. Naruto's face was practically smashed into Sasuke's and they both looked highly uncomfortable as Naruto's eyes were closed in pain and Sasuke was squinting in the bright light that was aimed at his face – most likely from the flash of Ino's camera. Their bodies were squished together, but Naruto's hand was above Sasuke's head, his arm flung up as if he didn't really know what to do with it.

She'd never thought it was possible before, but Sasuke actually looked _unattractive_ in this shot.

"What did you do to get this, Ino?" Although Sakura wasn't really sure she wanted to know.

"I just gave Naruto a healthy nudge in the right direction," Ino cheerily replied.

"Naruto-kun…looks upset," Hinata adorably observed. She had come to their second meeting, even though she said she and her other fanclub members hadn't come to a decision yet.

"Yes, well, this was only the beginning," Ino stated forebodingly, rubbing her hands together in glee. "Operation Date-Rape is about to take effect!"

Some of the girls clapped and cheered.

For her part, Sakura managed to resist banging her head against the nearest wall.

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In the cafeteria, Naruto was having a hard time concentrating on his food. Every time he'd try to take a bite of his instant ramen noodles, his gaze would catch Sasuke biting into something unfortunate like a banana or sucking on a straw or licking ice cream in what Naruto thought to be a highly scandalous manner. In fact, until this moment he could honestly say he'd never noticed how damn distracting someone eating_ jello_ could be.

It was all because of that stupid kiss, which had been totally disgusting at the time. But now he couldn't get it out of his head! It was embarrassing how much he now couldn't ignore Sasuke's mouth, and it happened to be used for a lot of things…like eating and talking!

His mouth suddenly dry, Naruto noticed a cup of water that he couldn't remember being there before. He shrugged and took it to his parched lips, downing its entire contents in one large gulp.

It was only a few moments before he started feeling a little light headed.

"Dobe?"

Those damn lips were moving now without any food to block his view and it was all Naruto could do not to choke on his noodles as he stared.

"Dobe…are you brain-dead?"

Naruto instantly remembered that those lips tasted like minty toothpaste and he licked his own at the memory. His tongue felt strangely good rubbing against his lips.

"Naruto?"

Naruto's foggy gaze moved up to Sasuke's eyes, which now seemed concerned. Naruto realized, somewhat profoundly he might add, that he could drown in those eyes. His heart beat immediately sped up and he began to feel hot. His hands absently began rubbing the table-top as he licked his lips again. The table felt so unbelievably soft against his fingers. It was almost like electricity was flowing through his body.

"What's wrong with you, Naruto?"

Naruto let out a small moan and smiled. Sasuke's voice was so…silky. Like bed sheets made of… something silky like… wool.

Sasuke's pale cheeks were dusted pink and his usually apathetic eyes were widened in shock, his pale hands gripping the edge of the table as if bracing for impact.

"Sa-su-ke…" Naruto practically moaned the name, his usually rough appearance turning softer as his blue eyes glazed over and his cheeks flushed.

Sasuke barely noticed the lights flashing in his eyes yet again as Naruto proceeded to pick up one of Chouji's corn dogs and rub it against his own whiskered face. Chouji protested and even tried to get it back, but Naruto had an iron grip and wouldn't let go. Sasuke nearly had an aneurysm when that same corn dog entered Naruto's mouth.

He watched his friend's strange, oddly stimulating, behavior in detached fascination for only a moment longer, before Naruto abruptly passed out in his ramen bowl, the half slobbered upon corn dog sadly forgotten.

When Naruto woke up, he was in the boy's bathroom on the first floor right by the cafeteria, slumped against one of the tiled walls near the row of sinks. His hair was sopping wet and Naruto groaned at his newly discovered splitting headache as he pulled himself up by using one of the porcelain sinks as leverage. Wondering why the hell he woke up with wet hair in a school bathroom, he looked into the mirror and instantly noticed a post-it note stuck to his forehead. It took him a moment to read it because it was backwards in the mirror.

It read: 'Lay off the drugs, moron. –S'.

Suddenly, Naruto remembered with pure horror what happened in the cafeteria and he screamed (in a very manly way, of course).

Sasuke had played an elaborate prank on him, he just knew it!

"That bastard!"

He was going to _punch _him in his stupid, pretty face!

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Ino, what did you do? Naruto looks high!" Sakura gasped as she stared up at the new pictures.

"Naruto-kun…" Hinata wibbled, looking up at one particularly sad photo which depicted Naruto doing unmentionable things with a corn dog.

"I slipped some E into a glass of water that he drank," Ino replied with a wave of her hand, as if it meant nothing. "I think it worked pretty well!"

"Where the hell did you get E?" Sakura asked, horrified.

"Gaara." Ino flipped her ponytail over one shoulder as she inspected her nails.

"Gaara?!" Sakura exclaimed. "The school's drug dealer?"

Ino just rolled her eyes. "Sakura, he's not as creepy as he looks. Besides, he gave me a pretty good deal!"

"That's not even the point!" Sakura shook her head. "How could you drug Naruto?"

"Pfft, don't worry Sakura," Ino smiled as she clicked a button on the projector remote. "Just look at this."

Sakura frowned in dismay, but she looked up. The new picture focused on Sasuke instead of Naruto, and he seemed to be blushing profusely as Naruto sucked on a corn dog. His usually apathetic expression was replaced by an expression of intense interest. Sakura had to admit the stoic boy looked uncharacteristically smitten.

"See?" Ino nudged her, her smile turning devious. "It's working! Now all we have to do is watch and wait."

The other girls in the club clapped and cheered.

Sakura's right eyeball twitched violently and she sighed, wondering if she should get that checked.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Sasuke!"

Naruto spotted Sasuke walking out the entrance of the school on his way home, his black book bag held casually over his shoulder as if he was modeling in some magazine shoot for high-fashion school uniforms. Naruto growled, even when he was angry with him the bastard still managed to look hot! Naruto growled again at the very fact that he even thought Sasuke was hot.

Naruto huffed and puffed until he stopped right in front of Sasuke, who had paused and turned around at Naruto's angry call.

"The drugs wear off yet?" Sasuke smirked, although there was a flicker of concern in his eyes that Naruto couldn't exactly ignore.

It still didn't stop Naruto from punching him in the face.

"Ow!" Sasuke snapped as he rubbed at his sore cheek, having been completely unprepared for the outburst, which was a first. "What the hell, idiot?"

"You pranked me, drugged me and then dumped me in the bathroom, that's what!" Naruto yelled, digging an index finger into Sasuke's chest as he shouted into his face.

Sasuke frowned in irritation, vaguely noticing a crowd of onlookers gathering around them as school let out for the day. "I didn't drug you, dobe."

Naruto's eyes narrowed suspiciously and his frown grew. "Then why have I been feeling all weird around you? Getting all hot and dizzy the closer we get? EH?!"

Sasuke's eyes widened just a fraction and seeing this, Naruto seemed to realize he might have said something wrong and he began to stutter.

"I – I…mean…this all has to be some sort of trick! There's no reason why I would be this attracted to you if I wasn't high!"

Naruto instantly clapped a hand over his mouth as everyone in the crowd gasped. Some girls were even giggling profusely. Naruto took a self-conscious step back from Sasuke.

Sasuke smirked and took a step forward. "You're attracted to me?"

"No way!" Naruto had meant to shout this, but it came out less forceful than he would have liked. "I was drugged!"

"The drugs would have worn off by now," Sasuke stated logically, his focused gaze piercing Naruto's. Sasuke lowered his face to Naruto's once they stood with only a hair's breadth between them.

Naruto began to pant in slight panic and something else. Sasuke's smirk softened a bit, and Naruto gulped when he noticed Sasuke's lips descending toward his.

"How do you feel now, Naruto?" Sasuke paused and whispered near his lips.

Naruto gulped and his breathing hitched. His heart was racing a mile a minute and his palms were sweaty as goosebumps sprouted over his arms and made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on edge. Naruto almost groaned as he realized there was no escaping it.

He must have been attracted to the bastard.

And that's when he decided, _Fuck it_.

He pulled Sasuke's face down to his own, smashing their lips together with more force than was necessary.

Sasuke pulled back just enough so that their teeth didn't rattle against each other, but otherwise they remained lip locked.

Neither of them even noticed all the girls and some of the boys in the audience cheering while the rest tried not to throw up a little in their mouths.

Ino took a few snapshots for posterity, smiling to herself in satisfaction.

She nudged Sakura a bit in the side as the girl stood beside her, staring transfixed as Sasuke and Naruto continued to make out publicly with abandon. "What did I tell you, Sakura? Hot!"

Sakura nodded slightly, clearly still dazed as Sasuke's hands took a notably southward trip down Naruto's back.

"Their bedrooms have already been bugged," Ino stated happily. "This is gonna be fun!"

Sakura pulled her attention away from the scene and stared at Ino in slight horror. "How…?"

"Hinata did it," Ino replied without preamble.

"Hinata?" Sakura's eyes widened. "That adorable Hinata-chan?"

"Yeah," Ino nodded. "I'd never expected it, but that girl's like a ninja!"

Sakura noticed Hinata standing in the crowd just passed Ino's shoulder. The girl was busy taking pictures of the ongoing spectacle with a tiny camera phone, an excited smile spreading across her once innocent visage.

"Huh," Sakura grunted in surprise. She wouldn't have ever guessed cute little Hinata was the most perverted SasuNaru fan of them all.

"This club is going to be _so _awesome!" Ino squealed.

Sakura only smiled and watched as Sasuke and Naruto finally broke apart for air (they still hadn't learned how to breathe through their noses apparently).

Ino took a picture of the very moment Naruto noticed the crowd and caught his cringe of embarrassment, his face turning as red as a tomato as Sasuke tried to pretend he didn't care about the public attention.

Sakura's smile grew. Sasuke's hand was still resting on the small of Naruto's back and neither boy seemed to mind.

Maybe Ino's schemes weren't so bad. She noticed some girls she had never seen before sporting nosebleeds as Sasuke pulled Naruto away from the group by the hand at a harried pace.

The SasuNaru club was definitely going to have a lot more activity than either of the previous clubs combined.

"How much do you think these photos will sell for?" Ino questioned her, an insane glint in her sky blue eyes.

Sakura's right eye twitched again, and she had a feeling it wouldn't stop for a while.

Sakura sighed and decided to give up fighting it. "I'd charge 200 yen."

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AN: Thanks for reading. This was such crack.


End file.
